do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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