i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
