your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
