didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
