i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
