it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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