I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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