yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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