My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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