i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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