I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
