Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
