I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't put those talents on a resume
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
