can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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