i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
