he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
