it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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