ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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