I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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