we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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