Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
