Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
