bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
