Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
