I think im going to throw up on grandma
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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