In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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