you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
