Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
