My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Enjoy the penises
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
