omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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