I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
