Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
