hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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