Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I deserve this hangover.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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