She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
now i know why i became what i already was.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
