we're blogging at a bar
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
