But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
