Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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