he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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