He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
