Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
