he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
