My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
