How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
