WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
