So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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