Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
