once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
