My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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