I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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