im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
