Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
