idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
